My story. So much has changed this past year. I had no idea what was coming, but there was an excitement in the air. There’s a saying that it’s darkest before the dawn, and that was true for me. It’s not like I didn’t have a good life, but I was unsettled. I knew deep down that there was something more waiting for me. I felt like I had hit an emotional low with my depression and anxiety, and there was a wanting to change. I can look back now and see all the little hints along the way, but in hindsight, it started with deciding to move.
My husband and I had been talking about moving to the country. We lived in a small town but wanted a home in the country under the stars. We found a great place on 2 acres of land. The first time we stood out in the yard at night I looked up and was just amazed by the beauty. To clarify, I grew up in Las Vegas. So, there was not a whole lot of star gazing in my life. Now I was living every night fully aware of the stars above. So, here I was with a beautiful home in the country with my husband, who I adore and children growing up and moving on. My son had his first child and I became a grandma! Suddenly I found myself wondering what I had to offer this new baby. What did I have to teach her? Do I have any traditions to pass down? My life was changing and I was looking to find balance. I have always believed in the unusual. There’s always been some sort of witchcraft in my family growing up, and I guess I would have considered myself a non-practicing witch. I decided to really delve into my craft. Moving into the new home gave me the perfect room to decorate and spend my alone time reading or doing candle magic. I started researching shadow work. I wanted to get to know the real me and find what I had to offer.
I had a rough childhood to say the least. I knew I definitely did not want to pass along any generational trauma. How do you not do that? Did I already screw up my children? Self doubt crept in, but I kept going. Something in me urging that somehow I had control. I started really questioning myself and started looking at who I wanted to be. What did I wish I had as a child? As I started looking at things differently, I started making different decisions. I made it a point to talk to my kids and really get to know them. I apologized for failing them. I know I was not a perfect mom. I was in survival mode. Everyone was fed and doing what they were supposed to, but I was not living and enjoying the little moments that I should have been. Years pass and you realize all the things you should have taught them. I did better than my parents but not as good as I could have. Time has now past and they are young adults now. I can’t go back, but I can acknowledge what I wish I would have done and change the present. I can take the time now to just enjoy laughing with my family and being present in each and every moment.
So, I’m making some small changes here and there. Just trying to find what truly makes me happy. I learned I like to garden and decided I want chickens. I thought any child would love a hobby farm right. I finally had a realization that I was home. I could build it however I wanted it to be. A safe house for my family. A kitchen where we could gather for get togethers or just to sit around the table and talk. A home for the whole family. Before I knew it we had been in the new house for almost a year. Halloween was coming up and I decided I was going to celebrate Dia De Los Muertos (Day of the Dead). I remembered some celebrations from when I was a child but never celebrated it for myself. So, I started researching my family tree. I was able to find some pictures of my grandparents and great-grandparents. I started wondering what life was like for them and gained a new perspective.
It may seem dumb, but I decided that early October to get a hair cut. You know the typical cliché. I wanted to do something to symbolize starting a new chapter. Cut my hair, start doing yoga, start meditating, and delve head first into my own version of witchcraft. I started doing meditations on healing my family tree. I earnestly wanted a change for the better. Then it just happened. It felt like the earth shifted and I felt this surge of energy swirl up my spine. It was like my eyes just opened up for the first time. I really didn’t know what happened other than I felt amazing. I was getting all these revelations about my choices, and had tapped into my creativity. I realized I truly could choose a different life. I am my own creator. But what was that?
I have always had random woo hoo experiences. I think everyone does. That moment when you feel like something is watching you. You get goose bumps or see a shadow out of the corner of your eye. I believe we all have those moments, but some people choose to tap into that and others may have a fear of seeing something and choose not to acknowledge it. So, I’ve always been somewhat opened to the other side and was definitely trying to open myself back up. When I was lying in bed and heard a voice say “I am here” it was clear as day and I just thought “what?????” then I hear “it’s me”. I was confused at first, but I recognized the voice of my previous co-worker. She had passed this last April. I hadn’t seen her in years, but I had seen her obit and knew she had passed. I somehow heard her say she was helping wake up her people and I remembered that I had gone to her for a Reiki treatment. Just one, I really didn’t know a lot about it, but was curious when I seen her make a Facebook post about doing treatments. So, I went and enjoyed it, but it was a one time thing. I had forgot all about it. I instantly looked up Reiki and started a search into Reiki healing and learned about a spontaneous Kundalini Awakening. I was shocked and amazed! Like that’s it! That’s what happened! I had no idea that I subconsciously had been aligning my chakras. I had tapped into an energy that I didn’t know existed. My whole outlook has changed. This is my experience.
I’m sure some will read this and think I’m nuts. That’s okay. Some will read this and relate. That’s who this is for. Those seeking for something more. I don’t have all the answers, but I do know this is happening for a reason. I’m choosing better. I’m choosing joy. If I can send out positive vibes of encouragement to seek your truth and what truly makes you happy then I will. I hope everyone finds their joy. There’s no reason to live in a world with anxiety and depression, but first you have to know what is the root cause of it. It’s not easy to truly face yourself, but it’s so worth it. This blog will be documenting my experiences during this awakening. From everything I want to experience, random woo hoo knowledge, to daily life. I hope to encourage you to seek your true self.
With love and joy, the Awakened Bruja
Leave a Reply