Being diagnosed bipolar was no big surprise to me. I know my moods felt like they were all over the place. But I never felt like I felt wrong about my feelings. I just felt a lot. I feel deeply. It’s like diving into water. You can dip your toes in, or swim in the shallow side. Maybe jump off a diving board and see how deep you could go. I picture a child running like chaos around a pool, experiencing it all. That’s how my emotions work. I feel them at different intensities.
I used to feel ashamed. I felt like if I got too excited about something, then I was going to be looked at as childish. If I felt nothing, then I was cold hearted and detached. There was no middle ground. Just the mental thought of I’m not doing it right. I’m too much. But maybe that is the point. To be more. To feel everything so deeply is to experience it on a deeper level.
Without feelings do we even exist? Are we just robots at that point living through the patterns of our day to day. It’s all the emotions that make life an experience. The moments of love and compassion that make our hearts feel full. And the moments of anger and disgust that show us hurt and pain. Each polarity exists to benefit each other. One feeling doesn’t get felt without knowing its opposite. So next time you’re sad, be glad. Because to know sadness is to know happiness. It’s a balance. And like waves the feelings will keep coming. When you get stuck. Just float and know the next feeling is coming that will change everything.
Feeling the duality of nature is not a curse. There’s nothing wrong with you. It’s who you are. You feel your body. You feel your heartache. That deep pulse in your chest that is singing out your emotions to your vessel. Let your body feel it. Don’t numb it. Really sit with those feelings. And learn to appreciate that. It’s a blessing in a world gone numb. You are the heart. And there’s nothing more precious than that. So, love your duality. It makes you whole. It’s a blessing.
Leave a Reply