When I was a child I used to have the strangest dreams. I was just about 5 or 6 years old and I would tell my mother about Indian ceremonies. I would see a chief and he was always putting markings on me. I remember how real they would feel. I would tell her how warm the fire was, and she would ask how I knew it was warm. I told her I could feel it. I would feel the fire. I would feel the earth with my bare feet. I could feel my body dancing but I knew it was a dream. Some dreams were scary but all were vivid.
My mother explained to me that one day I would dream of three tias. Aunties. She said that they would come to me and want to teach me things. She discouraged me from talking to them. She said if I told them to go away they would. But the women in our family all had the same dream. Well, she was right. I did dream of them. It was not scary to me, but I can understand the fear that most would feel. Sometimes the images in our head are scarier than the reality. They came in the form of three women dressed all in black. They wore head coverings and it was hard to see their faces. But the energy I felt, that was pure love and hope. Everything they ever taught me was for the benefit of myself and others.
I was very open to the spirit world as a child. My dreams were constant and my visions were clear. But as I grew older I just wanted to fit in. I was growing up in an abusive household. I was struggling with why things were happening to me. Over time I closed myself off. I fell deeper and deeper into depression and anxiety. I did everything I could to just get by. I grew up, and just buried that part of me. Until I could no longer avoid it.
You see I forgot that I had a purpose. I still do. I forgot the long conversations I had in nature. I would stare at the moon most nights and have complete conversations. I always spoke to the elements when I was a child. I talked to the water. I heard the wind. But when you say things like that, most people do not understand and see that as crazy. It doesn’t however, make it any less true.
You see all those conversations I now remember. I remember being taught that everything in this world is just stories. All our history, religion, beliefs. That’s all they are. You remember the game of telephone? How it only takes a few different voices to get a completely different story. Do you know what the oldest archaeological site is? We’re talking around 17,000 years. Then add on different languages and translations. Writings that have been used in our history and translated by someone’s perception and their beliefs. Stories told over and over again and yes manipulated. It’s all a matter of perspective.
I remember. I remember that they told me that I would forget. I would have to learn and grow. I would have to walk through fire, but one day it would come full circle and I would remember. They told me I would break the cycles for my family. And I know I am. I’ve learned to heal myself and am doing my best to teach my family a different way. I’ve got my tribe, and we’re living life to the fullest. No regrets. No judgement. Just love, and an understanding that life is about change. It’s constantly evolving and we do not need to live in fear. You can’t have the ups in life without the downs. The negative aspects of life are your teachers, and you make the positive.
I promised my ancestors that I would live for them. That every bite of food I take I will enjoy the taste, for them. That every morning when I step outside, I will pause to feel the sun on my face, for them. That I will do right by my body so it will last, so I can fully enjoy my life. For them. Everything that they can no longer do, I can do in remembrance of them. And, I know, that when I’m long gone, my kids and grandkids will do it for me. Because at the root of it all is love. It’s a connection with those souls that we bond with. Our tribe.
I think of my sister often. We grew up in the same house, and had two different view points of the abuse. For me I was the receiver and she was the watcher. She was forced to watch. She didn’t want to. As we turned into teenagers, she would sleep in my room across the doorway. It helped. She saved me when she could. But life got the better of her and she quit. I understand why. I myself battled those thoughts for years. But, I didn’t realize that my ancestors were right there with me. And everything happens for a reason. Because now I do see both sides to our story. And I know that I can choose to do right by her, by doing right for myself. I can be her voice. I can live for her. Honor. It’s something we’ve lost. But I remember.
Why am I telling you this? Because I feel compelled to share my story. To be the truth in a world of lies. I can only speak from my perspective, but I know what’s working for me. And, if I can help someone I will. I don’t need to make a ton of money selling programs to try and teach you. True change is a personal choice. It’s up to you . All I can do is be the change I want to see in the world. Be a positive impact for my community and society. I can help where I can, and I can live my best life and enjoy the experience of being a human. I will continue to share my thoughts and respond to any emails with sincerity and non judgment. For a hope that one day we all find peace and love in our lives. I truly hope the best for all of humanity.
Sincerely, The Awakened Bruja
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